


Moonless Night

by regardsfromhell



Series: the light of day [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Wendigos, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, The Twins Are Dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-05-06 22:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14657817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regardsfromhell/pseuds/regardsfromhell
Summary: How can someone lose so much without losing a part of themselves as well? They can't. A year after the deaths of his sisters, Josh might seem fine but he's hurting, Sam is sure of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this last year, but I lost motivation. I was planning to write about Josh's journey to recovery in three different parts and settings, and I still want to. I hope that by sharing what I've already written, I will force myself to continue writings. The chapter ends in a weird way because that just when I stopped writing and I wasn't originally planning to post this in chapters. Feel free to leave me a comment, it would be nice to know that someone's reading.

« Hello, friends and fans!  » Through her earbuds she could hear Josh’s voice loud and clear. He was rambling in the video he sent to his six friends something about partying “like pornstars”. Sam listened carefully to his words, she had been worried about him ever since the tragic death of his sisters. After that night their group of friends had drifted apart in a shameless way of avoiding their guilt, Sam couldn’t blame them. She wished she could move on but she had lost too much too quickly, two of her best friends were gone on the same night. She had lost a lot, but Josh had lost way more. His two beloved little sister wandered out into the night and he wasn’t even there to stop them or protect them. Sam couldn’t begin to imagine his pain, so she had been very close to Josh this past year, it was the least she could do.

Weeks earlier, when Josh had invited her to the lodge along with everyone else, she hesitated. Josh kept arguing that he was fine, that he wanted to go to the lodge to pay his respects to his sister, with or without her and the others. In the end, she agreed, she couldn't let him grieve his with a bunch of horny teenagers, he needed at least someone who was there just for him, dedicated to his well-being.

In preparation for the weekend at the lodge she had been reading some books about loss, she doubted her book knowledge would help him, but it made her feel more confident about her stay at the lodge and about the time she'd spend with Josh. She liked Josh, she really did, and normally she’d be more than glad to spend some time with him, but this was different. The conditions were too hostile, she felt as if she was going to be tested and she wanted to feel somewhat prepared.

When she finished watching the video the girl noticed she had nearly reached her stop, so she walked to the exit and took a deep breath before stepping off the bus. She hadn't seen those woods, the Blackwood pines, ever since she drove away in a police car to give her testimony about Hannah and Beth's disappearances. The only difference is that now she knew they weren't simply missing, they were dead. They found their bodies one month after the prank. According to the police, they fell down a cliff. Hannah was dead when she hit the ground, Beth survived the fall but died nearby, the following night, of hypothermia.

During her walk up to the lodge, she met her friends. She encountered Chris first, he was waiting for her near the cable car. They greeted each other and entered the cable car. «Are you worried about him? » Blurted out Sam, Christ raised an eyebrow.

«You mean Josh? » Sam nodded. «Yeah, of course, but I think he’s coming to terms with what happened last year. Why do you ask? »

The Blond haired girl looked outside. «I just don’t think coming here was the best idea, it’s too soon. »

Chris shrugged. «He’s the one who wanted to come back. Maybe he’s ready, maybe he needs this. »

The rest of the ride was quiet. Once they stepped out of the stuffy cable car they met the rest of their friends. Mike and Jessica were making out violently, ignoring the fact that Mike’s ex-girlfriend Emily was there as well. Emily was visibly pissed and was taking it out on her new, absolutely clueless, boyfriend Matt, who should’ve been made martyr for all the shit he had to put up with. Ashley was either talking to Sam and Chris or admiring the winter wonderland she was surrounded by.  All of them had bought into the fact that Josh really was fine, but she knew something was wrong. Sam always felt a deep connection with Josh. She would always enjoy Josh’s presence, although unwanted by his sisters when they were younger, whenever she hung out at the Washington’s house. Sometimes the twins even noticed Sam’s behaviour and teased her for it. After that tragic day at the lodge, Sam felt that connection grow. Sometimes they’d meet just to talk about anything that popped up in his mind. She saw through his forced laughs and false optimism but she didn’t know how to help him. One of the reasons she came to the lodge was so she could talk to him when his guard was down, when he wouldn’t pretend to be okay. She was hoping he would let her into his mind at least for one weekend.

When she reached the cabin she saw Josh messing around with the lock. « Hey, Josh! » She hugged him tightly, he squeezed her, took in the familiar scent of her hair and let her go. « What's up Sammy? »

« Not much, I'm just freezing, but I'm guessing that won't still be a problem soon. » She said pointing at the lodge. Josh looked at her and chuckled.

« I deeply regret to inform you that we’re currently locked out, but fear not! Chris is on a mission to unfreeze the lock! » He spoke using his over the top playful voice and Sam decided to go along.

« Let’s hope the agent will be successful in his mission and make it out alive, God bless the USA! » She mumbled in a phoney American accent. Right then Chris unfroze the lock and opened the door.

« Good job Hartley. » Said Josh solemnly before making his way inside, followed by everyone else.

When they entered the lodge it was still incredibly cold. « I’m freezing my ass off! Can you do anything about that? » Yelled Emily, sitting on a dusty couch.

« We’re going to make a fire. Wanna help me, Chris? » Replied Josh, Chris nodded and got closer to the fireplace. « Mike, if you want, you and Jess can make your way to the cabin I told you about. »

Jess clasped her hands together in excitement and grabbed Mike’s arm. « Let’s go get warm Mike! » She whispered Jess to her boyfriend, just loudly enough for everyone to hear, while dragging him and their luggage toward the door. Emily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

« Well, I’m going to take a warm bath and forget about the two-hour-long bus ride. » She met Josh’s eyes to make sure he was okay and made her way upstairs.

Sam climbed the stairs and found the bathroom with ease. After the many weekends she had spent at the lodge in the past, she knew its layout as if it was her own home. She left her things in the room she always stayed in and headed straight for the large bathtub. She turned on the faucet and put her hand underneath it. After waiting for a whole ten minutes for warm water, she gave up, turned the faucet off and walked back to the living room. As she got closer to the main room she heard Ash, Chris and Josh talking about using a spirit board. _That is the worst possible idea anyone could’ve ever had right now._ Thought Sam to herself, trying to erase the worry from her face as she approached her friends. «Where are Matt and Em? »

«Em lost a bag on her way up here and they’re retrieving it. » Replied Ashley, leaving the conversation with the two guys to pay attention to her friend.

«That must be one special bag if they’ve gone out there this late. » Sam leaned on the couch with a sceptic look.

«We have a few theories about what’s inside. We think it contains her strength and patience to not kill Jess during this weekend. » Chris chimed in.

Sam laughed. « That’s likely. Anyhow, Josh, you’ve made one big oversight, there’s no hot water. »

Josh looked apologetic. «Right, you’ve gotta fire up the boiler. » He pointed at Chris and Ash. «You guys go look for the spirit board, we’ll take care of the boiler. »

Ash accepted her task immediately and Chris followed the redhead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that somewhat follows the actions of the game, buckle up!

“You up for a ride-along? Come on!” Josh grabbed Sam’s hand and started walking towards the basement. The blonde was taken aback, for the past year Josh had actively refused physical contact, he didn’t want pity or comfort, and now all in the same night she got to hug him and to hold his hand. She could remember the last time they had that kind of contact, she would’ve remembered fondly, but that memory was tainted by pain and loss.

 

* * *

 

_The night of the prank, before it all went down, Sam was sitting on the couch alone throwing dirty looks at the assholes she liked to call her friends. They were talking and giggling on the patio, she knew they were up to something, but she didn’t know what about quite yet. She was so busy trying to read their lips through the glass door, that she didn’t even notice when a tipsy Josh plopped down next to her on the sofa._

_“You look pissed, what’s up?” he asked startling her. She turned towards him, he looked content holding a beer in his hand, almost serene._

_“I’m not pissed, not yet at least.” Josh noticed where Sam was looking._

_“What did they do?” She was getting worked up._

_“Again, nothing, not yet. I’m just worried about Hannah.” He looked confused. “Your sister Hanna, you know? The one with an embarrassingly desperate crush on our friend Mike, remember her?” Josh laughed a bit._

_“I’m not **that** drunk, yet. Don’t worry about them, they’re just drinking and having fun.” Sam took a deep breath and sat comfortably on the couch. _

_“I guess you’re right.” Josh smiled at her and draped an arm over her shoulder._

_“You should have fun too, Sammy. Want some beer?” Sam, once again, tried to relax._

_“A sip won’t hurt me.” She took the bottle from his hand and drank. Josh kept smiling at her._

_“You know what, Sammy?”_

_“What?” He put his hand on her knee._

_“I like you Sammy, you’re great.” He leaned in slowly. She could smell the beer and vodka in his breath. Sam stayed still, paralyzed by his gaze. She had never been this close to him, she had never noticed the specks of brown in eyes, or how much depth they truly had. Even now that she was just a few inches away, she still felt that she needed to get closer to appreciate every little detail and discover new parts of him that she never knew. Before she could take in everything, Josh filled the gap between them and he kissed the corner of her mouth._

_A few seconds felt like eternity and eternity ended when he pulled away. Josh looked at her smiling again, squeezed her knee lightly and went to the kitchen. Sam remained on the sofa blushing, her hand hovering over the spot on her face that had just been blessed by Josh’s lips. She was left wondering if he was just too drunk and missed her cheek or if he was just too drunk and missed her lips._

 

* * *

 

 

She didn’t know that those tender feelings and quiet kisses weren’t built to last, had she known she would’ve cherished every second. Just the memory of that moment made her blush again, and holding his hand made her hope that maybe he was feeling better, that maybe there could be a new normal.

While they made their way to the basement, the two of them chatted a bit about Chris and Ashley, Josh was doing everything in his power to get those two oblivious nerds together. Sam agreed, she’d also been trying to get them to just get on with it already.

Sam and Josh felt comfortable together, almost normal, but the house was covered of old family pictures. Hannah and Beth’s eyes followed them everywhere, reminding them of why they could never be normal again, they could just hope to get used to the mess that their lives had become.

“Sam, I just wanted to say that it means a lot to me that you guys came…” His eyes wandered away from hers. “…you know, that you came. It really means a lot to me.”

Sam couldn’t help but look at Josh as if he were a wounded puppy, her nurturing nature made it impossible for her to not empathize with him.

“Of course I came Josh, I care about you, we all do. I’m always here for you, you know that.” The shadow of a smile appeared on Josh’s lips, before he turned around and kept walking towards the boiler.

 

The basement was as creepy as Sam remembered, old tools were kept with random knick-kancks and terrifying set pieces that came directly from Mr. Washington’s movies. “I know you hate this place, I wouldn’t want you coming here alone, you know?”

Josh started taking a look at the boiler. “Yep, this place is as creepy as ever.”

Josh scoffed. “It’s definitely not a place to be on your own.”

Sam couldn’t agree more, and she kept herself busy to avoid accidentally coming face to face with some freaky monster created by Josh’s father. She picked up a baseball bat lying on the ground.

“It’s got to be pretty rough playing baseball out in all that snow, huh?”

Josh chuckled. “No, it wasn’t in the winter, silly. We’d come up in the summer and we would have the best time. The whole family was there, mom, dad…” Josh trailed off, Sam regretted asking him that dumb question that only poured salt on his wounds.

“I’m sorry I brought it up, Josh.” Josh’s sad eyes looked at her.

“It’s okay, we had fun, there was some serious competition out on the big lawn. But we can’t go back. It’s a new reality, right Sammy?” Sam looked at him and she saw through him, he was defeated, life had sucker punched him right in the face. She got close to him and reached for his hand.

“Josh, I am _really_ sorry.”

He scoffed at her, trying to escape her hand. “What for? There was nothing either of us could do”

Sam was about to crumble under his gaze, unable to find the words to express how she felt.

“Josh, I-“

A knot was forming in her throat, taking away her breath. “I should have done more.” She managed to say, barely audible. Josh’s stern stare was still fixed on her.

“There was nothing we could do.” Josh said through his teeth. “But I could have done more, I could’ve noticed what was going on before it was too late, I could have stopped them, I could have done a million things.” Sam was pleading more with herself at this point.

”Will you stop?” Josh yelled, scaring Sam. “I was their big brother, I had one job and it was to protect them! I am the one who should have been sober enough to have things under control, but I wasn’t! I was fucking passed out on the counter because I’m a fucking idiot! There’s plenty of blame to go around, but I assure you that none of it is on you! If you want to feel guilty about something you had nothing to do with, fine! But I have a reason to feel guilty Sammy and that guilt is eating me alive. I’m rotten Sammy, all I ever think about is everything that I’ve done wrong, and that list is pretty fucking long!” He was screaming, airing out all of his grievances, Sam tried to calm him down, she got closer to him putting one hand on his shoulder and the other on his chest. It was beating furiously.

“Ha! You haven’t even heard the worst of it yet, Sammy! I don’t just feel guilty, but my sisters are literally haunting me! That’s right! I’ve gone crazy, as if I wasn’t out of it already! I hear their voices, they hiss at me, they’re angry with me, the insult me and I deserve it! They even tell me to do things, they planned this miserable week end, they wanted revenge. Well, fuck off! I’m done, I don’t want to hear it anymore, there’s already plenty of things that are wrong with me, I don’t need more. But they just won’t fucking leave me alone, they barely let me sleep. I just want to be normal Sammy, and there is nothing you can do. So you can sleep easy at night knowing that you tried, is that good enough for you Sammy? It’s not like you actually give a fuck about me, you only ever hung out with me because I was Hannah and Beth’s brother, but now that they’re gone you’re free, so enjoy it! Lucky you!”

Sam held back tears. “Josh…” Once again she didn’t know what to say, so she just grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. His chest was heaving against hers, he was out of breath, he couldn’t fight anymore, so he just accepted the hug. Sam’s shoulder started to get wet with tears, she started drawing circles on his back, trying to soothe him.

When he started breathing normally again, Sam felt free to talk again. “Do you really hear their voices?” Josh nodded slightly, still resting on her shoulder.

“Josh, I don’t think that that’s supposed to happen.” Josh chuckled.

“Then I’ve clearly been living my whole life wrong.”

Sam’s eyes widened, she never knew this side of Josh, and she wasn’t sure that there was anyone else who knew it. She broke the hug and grabbed Josh’s hands, pulling him down to sit down on the floor, he complied. She took a good look at him, his eyes were red and clouded with tears, this was a Josh Washington she had never seen. He desperately avoided Sam’s eyes, scared that she may make him say everything he’d ever done, said or thought, but she kept looking at him the way she always had, gifting him a small piece of normality.

“Josh, I care about you. I’m not here because I feel an obligation to anyone, I’m here because you’re one of the most important people of my life. I’d happily give you a kidney if you needed one and I always save the last slice of pizza for you because I know that you are always hungry somehow.”

She gave him a soft smile. “I want you to talk to me, Josh. I want to help you. I refuse to lose you. Please…”

Tears streamed down her face. “Josh, please.”

He squeezed her hand and laid his head on her shoulder again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, long time no see!  
> Am I incredibly inconsistent? Yes. Have I been procrastinating? Also yes. But today the stars have aligned! I stopped procrastinating on this fic so I could avoid studying philosophy, which is good news for this fic, and terrible for my school performance, but I'll figure it out when the time comes.  
> I hope this chapter was worth the wait, but I honestly doubt it, so I'm sorry about making you wait for a chapter that is mediocre at best. If you want more mediocre chapters just let me know, I mean, I'll write them anyway but this way I'll be more motivated write instead to doing homework.  
> Let's hope I won't post the next chapter in another five months, but I wouldn't get my hopes too high. Bye!


End file.
